Saturday, May 1, 2010
I can't figure out if it's Hubby's loud snores or the obscene amounts of caffeine I have pumping through my veins but I can't sleep. Most likely, it's the overwhelming feeling of failure that I can't escape.
Growing up I wasn't particularly good at any one thing. I was sort of average. My grades were pretty good, not great. I didn't like sports, or the pressure. I loved art though. I was never great at it, but I loved it and that was enough.
I never wanted to go to college but it was expected in my family. I had no choice. I applied to 2 schools. One wasn't even a college; it was some sort of certificate program. The other was Moore. I knew I'd get in even though my SAT's were terrible. I got in, and was thrilled, so off to Moore I went.
I had a really hard time there. Again, I was average but I was ok with that. I honestly was. I struggled a little more than most people but I made it through.
Senior year I found my niche and I really shinned. For my senior thesis, I made these free-formed basket sculptures. For the first time I was actually really proud of the work I had accomplished. I sold several pieces to friends, and I even sold one to a Professor. Through this work I was invited to show at a local Gallery.
The show was called "Emerging Artists." It was about 10 or so artists who had just graduated from art programs around the area. We were all supposed to be the next "big" artists on the scene. I can't even begin to describe the sheer thrill I felt when I found out that one of my pieces sold to a complete stranger. Some random person has MY original artwork on their shelf! That's amazing!!
After graduation I took a break from art for awhile. Eventually real life set in and I had to get a job. It was nothing I liked but it paid the bills. Ten years passed in the span of 5 minutes. How the heck that happened I have no idea. I'm still in that crappy industry and I hate it. I don't help people, I'm not creative, I'm not even rich. So I can't figure it out why I'm still there. Oh yea.... it's called a mortgage payment.
I started looking at all these amazing artists who went to Moore…. women who make art every day, no matter what. Quite honestly, I'm jealous. In my 10 (plus) years outside of college I don't have a lot artistically to account for my time. I've done the odd painting or some crafts but nothing substantial. I’ve had a few gallery shows but again, nothing to write home about. And I know that if you've actually taken the time to read this, you're probably wondering the same thing I am….why don't I quit bitching and do something about it? Well, that's what I'm going to do. The crazy ramblings of this over-tired under-creative girl are out there, for every one to read. It's sort of a promise to myself, and anyone else that I WILL do something creative everyday. Everyday. No matter what. No matter how small or insignificant it may seem. Something is always better than nothing.